Sunday, 18 April 2010


Can anyone tell me why we were put here on this Earth? This beautiful place of ice-capped mountains and deep blue oceans teeming with life. Only one of Earth's species has gained sentience and they are capable of great achievements, great kindness, great artistic beauty but also capable of great atrocities. And when these atrocities occur, when that being full of sentience discards the world around them, discards not only the beauty of the snow-capped mountains and deep blue oceans...but the beauty inside of them.

When you pick at the stitches and seams of the carnal mind, the thoughts and emotions you tried so hard to conceal and forget, spill out around you. For some the spilling never stops, as the world slowly revolves, history repeats itself and with every occurrence, these memories and feelings bury themselves deeper and deeper into the fabric of who we are until eventually, we drown.

We fall so deep into the ocean that IS this world, that is media, conformity, temptation. But when you've already picked at those stitches, believe me, they'll make themselves at home. turn on the taps...and the next thing you're treading water, struggling to keep your head above the surface. just to breathe is a gift, But through worldly means...we can take even that away ourselves.

So when we're treading water and gasping for breathe, running purely on the instinct to survive that we all possess, Granted... you'll survive, but for how long? If your arms and legs are bound, how long could you survive on your own? even at its extremity there are many who feel this to be much more reality than a pretentious analogy conjured by a lonely blogger with too much time on his hands. I for one sympathise all too well with those who feel that they can no longer reach that lifeline, those that have been dragged by the current so far that they can no longer see the shore.

But from this there is a lesson to be learned, Granted a lesson that i still have not learned, and will continue struggling to do so, but a lesson to be learned none the less. A lesson to change, to humble yourself to those with outstretched hands. A lesson to stop kicking and screaming and allow them to carry you. Those of you with a religious background,...i don't need to tell you who you should turn to, who it is NEVER too late to turn too, this is amongst those lessons i am trying to learn for myself. but when you're barely floating, when there is no ladder must ask! you must beg and plead for a lifeline. Beg for a map, a light, a rope, all that you'll need. you may not want to, you may feel you cannot, you may have lost the desire to change at all, but there will come a time when you will have nowhere else to turn. plead for help now while you still can. its not a weakness. its a strength. its Growth.

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Is it worth it?

There are those who look at themselves and are not content. Those who wish they looked like someone else, thought like someone else, acted like someone else. But Why? For some to live a day...or a lifetime... in someone elses shoes is a chance to aesthetically fit the mould, to please the carnal state of the onlooking world. But for others, just a second in those perfect well-stitched shoes is a chance to become what they always dreamed..."Normal." There are things in this world that you simply cannot be, that you cannot do. There are things in this world that if ever discovered or explored, the fate of that life will no longer shine as bright as it had once done. In a simpler time. In a brighter, happier time.
For some the exploration has already begun, mapped out, co-ordinates marked and are making good time. But where are they going? These people are heading to a place where they can live out their wildest dreams, where just for a second, they can be loved. just to be happy and to feel what we all want to feel. For some there is an image painted so clear, a soft spoken picture where the warmth cannot be shunned, where the light can barely stay within the frame, the black and white, making it so clear to see the clouded imagery of personal happiness, Yet so clear to themselves, the world will never see. For those who carry their 'accepted' title will never understand.
I have previously spoken of the instance where when every fibre of a persons being defies all that is eternally good, and pure, what are they to do? if you had to live every day, hiding and shading that warm, soft spoken image from the world, every day numbing yourself so you can never feel, because you know you never will...How long would you want to live?
The answer to this question hasn't and never will change. Let the whole world move while standing still, and thats exactly it, Stand still. learn to live for the moment, to be happy in the now, to be content with the people surrounding you, and the person inside of you to smile for that very second. because in that very second, nothing else matters. Because you cannot change the present, but you can re-write your future from the thoughts and actions you carry out at this very moment. At 00:58am i am content in this instant, for what i have, not what i want. for the worldy good i can do at this moment. For all i can do to become the brightest star in my own sky. Rather than hoping, dreaming and wishing of a place where i can be happy in this carnal state...i dream that living the ideal, living this colder, darker life that the one that could have been or living the "normal" can lead me to true happiness. to be happy forever. Isn't that worth it?