Saturday, 19 December 2015
Am I ungrateful because I was unable to reciprocate feelings of affection that another so readily felt for me, and then later complained that I am alone? I felt all the feelings one longs for. support, adoration, familiarity, comfort, laughter and friendship, but I didn't love enough, i didnt see forever. Is that my fault? am i in the wrong? Should I have settled? To save hurting you who I still care deeply about. Should I have lied so I wouldnt see you cry, so i wouldnt miss you? what am i looking for? what are we all searching for? i found one piece of the puzzle. i held half of the story, the love you had for me. but i turned away from it because i couldnt find that inside of myself to pour out to you in return. My internal dialogue is often shouting "why am i alone!?" "When will it happen for me?" ...But how dare i? How ungrateful must i be to throw it away, to complain? I am struggling with this. Does it hurt you to see i am tired of being alone? Do you resent me for still searching? Or maybe i was wrong.